Before I had my first child, I always thought about what I’d like my kid to be like. I want them to like me in so many ways! I want them to be able to speak Chinese, play the musical instruments that I played, enjoy roller coasters, love the sciences…ok, getting the picture?
In some form or another, I wanted my kid to be a mini me. But I also wanted more for my child. Be a better me. Be the noble peace prize winner. Be the humanitarian I am not. Be the amazing artist that I will never be.
Fast forward a couple of years. I have 2 kids and I don’t think they’ll pursue anything that I ever did. And when I finally realized that, I must say, I was quite devastated. There are so many dreams that I wanted for these kids that I thought would make them extra special and help them function in this world. But that’s the thing; those are my dreams for them, not their own dreams. And maybe part of me resented the fact that they didn’t want to have a similar life or path as mine, as if they were rejecting me.
But how can I or any other parent expect that their kids will be “that” much like themselves? They are truly unique beings with the DNA of 2 different people. Yes, there is the whole nurture side of things, but their genetics plays a big role.
But regardless of the genetics, what we as parents need to constantly remind ourselves and accept is that we are parents of little beings. Our job is to nurture all the good that is inside of them. If they decide to do something else completely, but they are happy and contributing members of society, isn’t that what matters? We should be proud and happy that they can make their own choices and live out their own dreams. Sometimes maybe our dreams for our own kids really are not the best options for them. And for us to “force” our dreams onto them is selfish and detrimental to them, especially if they really don’t want our dreams.
It’s taken me a while to come to terms with this. But now that I’ve accepted this, I feel that a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. For example, I don’t find myself ”as” upset when they say they’d prefer to take soccer over piano lessons. It’s not something I would choose, but they’re making a choice that they’re happy with. And there’s nothing wrong with exercise, sports, and camaraderie.
So, don’t be mad when they don’t choose the same path…they’re not rejecting you. Try to be happy because your kids will thank you later in life when they know they were given opportunities to live out the life they wanted the way they wanted.